When a handwritten note about bad parking made headlines last week, it wasn’t just the passive-aggressive tone that caught people’s attention.
It was the fact that the note threatened to have the car “TOAD” instead of “towed.”
While the spelling mishap gave us a chuckle, the deeper issue was one many of us can relate to: the tension that arises in everyday conflicts with the people who live, work or interact closest to us.
On BBC 5 Live with Laura McGhie, our founder and CEO, Emma Serlin, joined the conversation to explore how to navigate conflict constructively – especially when emotions run high and the instinct to be “right” takes over.
Why Neighbourly Disputes Strike a Nerve
When you share a street, a wall, or a driveway with someone, there’s no easy escape route when something goes wrong.
Whether it’s bins being left out, loud music late at night, or inconsiderate parking, these moments can quickly escalate if not handled thoughtfully.
As Emma shared on air:
“You always have a choice. You can be ‘right’ – but you’ll likely create more tension. Or you can choose peace and mutual respect. That starts with putting ego aside and choosing connection over conflict.”
Introducing the Serlin Method Tools for Navigating Conflict
At London Speech Workshop, we specialise in practical, psychology-backed tools for real-life communication challenges – including conflict resolution.
During the interview, Emma introduced two of the most impactful tools from our Navigating Conflict course:
1. The Five Perspectives
This tool helps shift you out of the unhelpful “I’m right / you’re wrong” thinking that fuels so many arguments.
- Unhelpful Perspective 1: I’m right, you’re wrong
- Unhelpful Perspective 2: I’m wrong, you’re right
- Helpful Perspective 1: I observe – What actually happened?
- Helpful Perspective 2: I’m curious – What’s going on for the other person?
- Helpful Perspective 3: I feel – What’s going on for me?
By embracing these three helpful perspectives, you can engage in conversations that honour both sides and open the door to empathy.
2. The COAST Framework
If you’ve ever struggled to address a tricky situation without making it worse, COAST is your go-to structure. It stands for:
- C – Connect: Start with warmth. “Hi, do you have a moment for a quick chat?”
- O – Observe: State the facts without judgment. “I’ve noticed your car has been parked across my driveway a few times this week.”
- A – Ask: Show curiosity. “Can I ask what’s been going on?”
- S – Share: Express how it impacts you. “It’s made it hard for me to get my kids to school on time.”
- T – Take forward: Propose a solution. “Could we agree to text if there’s an emergency in the future?”
“When you’re in a spiral of frustration or blame, having a paint-by-numbers structure like COAST can be a lifesaver,” said Emma.
When Empathy Feels Hard
But what if the other person doesn’t respond with understanding? What if they’re combative, dismissive or downright rude?
Emma’s advice is rooted in the principles of nonviolent communication, which recognises that all human behaviour – yes, even the bad stuff – is an attempt to meet a universal need.
“You don’t need to excuse bad behaviour,” Emma said. “But when you understand that beneath that anger is someone with a human need – like respect, connection or safety – you can respond with healthy distance and empathy rather than resentment.”
Why This Work Matters
Emma also shared her personal journey into communication coaching – from a career in theatre and psychology to working in criminal justice and eventually founding London Speech Workshop.
Her mission? To give people practical, powerful tools to navigate the messy, beautiful, often uncomfortable reality of being human.
“We all get it wrong sometimes. I do too. But the more we practise good communication, the more we create connection – in our homes, our workplaces, and our communities.”
Final Thoughts: Choose Peace Over Petty
So the next time you feel tempted to leave a note (with or without grammatical errors) on someone’s windscreen, ask yourself:
- Do I want to be right, or do I want to connect?
- Am I reacting from frustration, or responding from clarity?
- Could I approach this with curiosity, empathy, and constructive intent?
Because ultimately, communication isn’t about winning. It’s about understanding.
Want to learn these tools for yourself or your team?
Explore our Navigating Conflict course – designed for individuals and businesses who want to turn difficult conversations into transformational ones.
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Book a free discovery call to find out how our courses and method can work for you!
